Atlas or bust

Tonight i saw a special on TV that said most psychological disorders appear between the ages of 18 and 25, that suicide is the second leading cause of death among youths, and that 1,100 college kids kill themselves every year. That shook me a little, but wasn't entirely unexpected. They kept talking about what a shock it was whenever X kid with the seemingly perfect life would want to end it, why on earth wouldn't they just seek help and try to get through it? Was the pressure of maintaining good grades getting to be too much? Was... oh wait no that was the only thing they mentioned that could be the cause of college depression. As a routine visitor to that condition i thought about what other reasons for that could be, and when i think about them i can see why so many kids decide not to deal with it. The grownups nowadays put the weight of the world on the shoulders of the up and coming, and then jump up and down on it and expect us to handle it. They go on and on about the country being divided, the terrible state of the government and world stability, the environment falling apart, how much we're going to have to pay to keep senior citizens supported.. and then four seconds later they smile and say we're the future leaders of the world, how we're the most educated generation ever, how we'll change the world. Well dammit, thanks a ton. We exist not to live, but to fix? The world went to shit and we get to be a generation of rebuilders when we didn't even get to enjoy whatever carelessness led it there? The whole world seems to be so close to falling off the edge into God knows whatever chaotic apocalypse The Unforseen holds, so it appears that if one more person fails to be Superman the camel's back will snap and we'll all be royally fucked beyond imagination. Don't mess up, you need to fix the planet. There will be nothing to enjoy if you don't clean this place up yet. There will be nothing to enjoy. Pay your taxes, deal with loss, feed your family, work too hard, pass this class, get a job, GET A JOB, there will be nothing to enjoy. I forgot to mention that this fixing of the planet is hardly our only task, we have to do everything that goes along with being a human already. We have to do what our parents did in finding a steady job that provides for your kids even if you don't love it, and then on top of that somehow magically reverse corporate globalization, low wages, deforestation, stop using oil, stop wanting anything.. and we don't get a hint how we're supposed to grow into Atlas.
All of this must run through the Suicidals' heads, and of course contend with and multiply the worries of fitting in, getting schoolwork done, handling a social life and love life, dealing with drugs and alcohol and hate and prejudice and hormones and everything.. wow it's overwhelming. And really it doesn't take all that much to get rid of all the pressure, one quickie bullet to the head and poof jsut like that no one expects anything of you and you don't need anything at all. I kinda think that's why a lot of people must drink.. they say screw it all and as they sprint through the escape hatch they run headlong into the brick wall of reality that doesn't let anyone out that easily. But what happens after a single bullet blows the world away? Do these people think that after that it's over? Humans are immortal beings. They do not die. Consciousness is like matter and energy, it cannot be undone, but unlike them it cannot be transformed into anything else. People will either go to Heaven or Hell, but either way they're there forever (and not in the hyberbolic sense that it's a very long time, it's For the complete and unending duration of Ever). That makes you think; compared to Eternity, the number of years spent on Earth is a negligable speck that carries an infinite amount of importance. If you blow it, that immeasurably small flash of time could leave you in an abyss of misery the time span of which leaves the words "untill", "remaining", "time", ect. without meaning. The path you take betwen the moments of your birth and death form a line that extends into Eternity, determining whether you will exist in compounding pain or ever-increasing joy. That puts a whole lot at stake. Being utterly without compassion or living for your own good with disregard for others puts you on a negative cline, and being even just below the horizontal means You Will Endure Everything That Is Bad. Imagine for a second how terrible Hell must be. Be creative, don't hold back, picture the absolute worst that legions of bitter and jealous fallen angels could possibly put you through, and then try to place that somewhere on the graph of being (where anything above X=0 is good and anything below is bad). No matter how far down you score that scenario, a negative existence line, because it has been given an infinite domain, will not only eventually reach that point but surpass it infinitely. Give it a few billion It-Doesn't-Matter-Because-Trying-To-Find-A-Unit-Of-Eternity-Is-Pointlesses, and you'll be so far beyond the hell you envisioned that you'll pray to the God you ignored to be back at that point.

I really could go on for a long long time about this and things like it, i need to put it somewhere other than a blog.

I think, Janine, that i could write a book about this. I think, Janine, that that would be a very adequate independent study project. Let's meet about it.