Extremism is the only way to get things done

i kinda left out posting for a while, didn't i. I kinda don't need to, you peoples can all just read zac's to find out pretty much what i'm thinking, and he is way better about updating than i am, and is better at putting some feeling into it. I also lost two good friends to The Great Weakness, along with a cousin. Underage drinking is a surefire way to release a flood of rage for me, but so much has been released that i don't have the energy to keep going anymore, now i hear about kids giving in to The Great Weakness and i just sigh and my brain feels too tiredly sad to deal with it. It's an instant downer for me. Maybe that's a good thing, i spend a good 25% of the day extremely bloodvessel-burstingly explosively enraged about something or other, and it's probably unhealthy. It's not that i go nuts over little things, it's huge things that keep recurring and compounding each other and grinding against my moral code. And no, it doesn't wear down the code at all, and the offence isn't eroded at all, so with nothing giving ground the response never changes. Thus my blood pressure is equal to that of a Red Cross pint-bag under a truck 24/7, and i see red so often i'm starting to forget all the other colors.
And ya know what's really strange? Despite the excessive anger (which i think is almost as big a vice as the drinking) every once in a while it occurs to me that an annoyingly large amount of things make me happy. No, really that does make sense hear me out. Well fine i don't need you reading this, you're not doing me any favors, go drink some motor oil. Screw that guy, i'll just continue for the benefit of the rest of you. When i get to listening to Irish music and thinking about Ireland, i feel calm and at peace and want nothing more than to just move there and live quietly, raise a family and die. Unfortunately, i feel just as satisfied when i imagine living in a big city like Boston or NYC, being able to enjoy all they have to offer and having so many people to meet and so many things to do.. this one's weird because i don't especially like meeting people or doing things. Odd that doing exactly that in a huge city is more appealing. Another seemingly idyllic lifestyle would be being in the next Blink 182 with of course zac and whoever we find to be awesome enough to tour with. That one has the bonus of making me a bazillionaire, so i can help do something about all the diseases and homelessness and hunger that plague the planet. I know i know everyone swears that if they get filthy rich they'll use their cash to help people, but seriously i want to. I do admit, however, that i will buy a Corvette once i'm able to.. that machine captured my heart a long time ago. That doesn't seem too excessive though, once you look at those rappers that are all proud of the money they wasted on 12 cars (and quite often none of them are 'Vettes, which is astounding) (and it proves rappers are dumb). But really really i'd throw my money into helping people, cuz that would make me happier than buying things for myself anyway. So maybe it's selfish, but i'm ok with that. Scenario Numero Cuatro is the only one i have that i think is worth working for, and it would be selfish of me not to go for this one. It's to dedicate my life to getting alternative fuels to be the norm, and making billions off of whatever design makes it easiest for the world to switch from fossilcars to hydrogen-powered cars. I'd use my billions for all the stuff i said above, but this life is better than being in a band becuase it would make the world slightly greener and cheaper for everyone and would thusly be a more lasting legacy than the unworthy riches of a rock star. The American Dream may be to work hard and get rich, but i think the Human Dream should be to work hard and get beneficial.
So anycrap, with all of the above serving as a perfectly acceptable lifestyle, how do i pick one to work at? People will say "ah, you're young, just experiment for a while and see what you end up liking most" but no that can't work. Unless you're driving at it from Day One, you're going to miss the boat and be another useless cog, maybe you'll be a joy to be around and a nice guy, but you really won't be world-changing. You gotta go go go and never take a year off to "find yourself", just pick one and hope you're lucky. I'm ok with not being finding joy in what i do with my life, as long as i'm make a serious and good impression on the world. Whatever, i'll be miserable, i think it's worth it a million times over as long as i can have everyone else on the planet be better off for it. I wish ESF had an alternative energy major. I might enjoy school if that's what i was learning about. Maybe i should look around at other schools again, see if there are any that will provide that for me. I doubt it, it's too new of a science. Maybe i can convice ESF to start one. Also, maybe i'll find a Corvette in my pocket tomorrow.